Issue 21




Only 135 Vocabulary Items are Needed to Account for Half the Brown Corpus


Michael Aird





Apportion them some food in a bowl

offer it to them as though they are friends

after you finish eating,

take them to the 4 corners of your property

saying something like:


                           As of February 2013,

                           the highest finite Bacon number

                           reported by the Oracle

                           might have been yours


It’s for this reason

         that the concept of decay must become

         more than just after-dinner conversation


                  First, we present empirical evidence

                  that old nodes are less likely to obtain links

                  than nodes added more recently to the network


                           Secondly, the transition of a node

                           from the active to the inactive state

                           can be interpreted as a collective forgetting


Barry of Barry Maher & Associates


My clients almost never ask

for only employed applicants…

however, the burden is certainly

on the unemployed to explain

why they are unemployed


         And that idlenesse, being repugnant

         to the same ordinance, is a grieuous sinne

         and also

         for the great inconueniences and mischiefes

         which spring thereof, an intolerable euill


What has become known

as the “Great Pacific Garbage Patch” or “trash vortex”

                  which includes everything

                  from footballs and kayaks to Lego blocks

may actually represent a new habitat



                  we calculate that the arthropods

                           on the medians down the Broadway corridor

                                    could alone consume the equivalent

                                             of 60, 000 hot dogs every year


And to better utilize their services

the manual proposes providing them

with protective gear like boots and gloves

         but not long poles used to point for things

         or certain clappers that warn of their approach


                           To a large extent

                           the purification of the polis

                           should have a power-law distribution

                           just as dump sites serve as magnets

                           for additional dumping


Waste audits and workplans follow the principle

postulated in Gestalt theory

that the sum of the parts are best

         led round with strings of figs on their necks

         and whipped on the genitals

         with rods of figwood and squills


                                    The epidemic threshold is actually hinged

                                    on the critical point separating

                                    an active phase

                                    with a stationary density of infected nodes

                                    from a phase with only healthy nodes

                                    and null activity


One of the most important things you can do

         to not become contaminated

         by the image of the long-term unemployed

is to fill your employment gap

with pursuits that help grow your career

         not emptiness that could kill it


                           Start a professional blog


                           Go to networking events sponsored by

                           your university, industry, city and so on


If you want to show your work to the whole world

         buying quality instagram followers

         will immediately launch a Yule process

         with manifold blessings and sundry benefits


                           The creation term here

                           considers the probability

                           that your reputation for reposting

                           will have a multiplier effect


Keep this keeping in mind


as a blunt reminder

         it’s such a small-world network after all

         one short hop to never again synchronize

         with the other crickets










Work by Michael Aird has appeared in Lit, Lungfull!, Bombay Gin, Rhino, Salthill, Dislocate, Word for/Word, Shampoo and Bomblog.  He has work forthcoming in Fence and Blackbox Manifold. 



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